Gosh, thanks for the email and the offer of $100 worth of coupons to be awarded to me upon my next visit. That was a nice start to the day!
But I must tell you, my initial euphoria gave way to a memory of the last time I pulled into bay 1 at your fine garage for an oil change.
Oh yes, I recall with fondness the free copy of the Toronto Star, and the coffee-machine-cup-of-coffee (nice whitener!), as well as the fluid top-ups, tire pressure check, the door-hinge lube, and balloon for the agitated youngster. Such conveniences!
It is for this reason that I have returned, time and again, to Mr. Lube. I am a complex, harried, hairy, busy, occasionally confused and angry person who is just trying to keep things simple, and you help me do that by just letting me drive up and drain my bad old oil out while I sit in self-satisfied comfort. It is a beautiful world.
However, may I be so bold as to suggest that in the interests of the Business Plan, you also have been doing one hell of a job of undoing all that joy, that serenity, that fresh-lubed glow you so lovingly drizzle over me?
Witness:
I am informed, mid-change, by my Mr. Lube Attendant, A____, that the front and rear differential need some love, to the tune of - let's round it up - $160. And not only that, the Belt needs servicing, yes it does. That's $102., installed.
All good, and thank you, A____! Thank you very much! Print that up for a brother, and I'll run it by my wife!
But all of a sudden, there is no time to think! Wha--? I'm just about to crack the sports section, and the child is nodding off...
...surely this is no time for the hard sell, only it comes, A____ falling just short of the greatest apocalypse narratives of our time, describing what will happen if I don't get that all done NOW, and besides, they've got the front and rear diff open already down in the pit.
Nothing I say, no kindly resistance, will satisfy A____. I stick to my guns, and he says, 'it's your funeral', though not in so many words.
And so, Mr. Lube braintrust, well, hey, look at the whole picture here, the yin and the yang, the blue mountain and the white cloud. Forest/trees?
The coffee is cold. The boy cries. Why not shelve the hard sell, let me know what could use a doin', hand me the printout, and quit gettin' in the way of the sublime experience you've engineered? Might do this ol'world of ours one heck of a lot of good.
Maybe go all the way to serenity, and throw in a scented candle, for free.
Worry not, though -- I will return, oh yes. For the coupons.
Sincerely
S. Foley
